I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize