hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
