I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize