mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
