I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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