Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
