It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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