he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
