So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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