i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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