Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didn't notice because vodka
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
