My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
