If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
