Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
