i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
jump out the window naked night went bad
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