That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
