So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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