im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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