I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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