careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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