can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
