i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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