DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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