Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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