What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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