I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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