he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
