You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her vagine was all disorganized.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
