wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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