did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize