I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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