i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
