Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
