I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize