First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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