I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
