are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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