so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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