i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
