How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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