Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize