i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
