My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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