i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
