R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
