i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
