Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
