you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
