dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
