worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
