She's JV to your varsity
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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