I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
