That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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