Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
