I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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