i can't believe i had my finger in that
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
