Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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