The best revenge is premature balding
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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