were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
