weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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