NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
