You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
