Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
