my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pants are for mortals
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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