my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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