I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
