I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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