I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
