Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So many bounce houses so little time
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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