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I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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