btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
