Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
