Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
