my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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